Truth or Dare
by crematosis
Summary: Playing truth or dare with Loki was one of the most interesting experiences of Tony's life.
A/N: In honor of April Fool's, a ficlet featuring our favorite trickster. No April Fool's pranks actually involved, but just Loki being Loki.

Disclaimer: These are totally all my own original...just kidding.

For reasons that didn't make the least bit of sense to Tony, Fury had decided that Loki was going to live at the Tower under their observation until they could be sure he was reformed. Secretly, he suspected it was just a way of punishing the team for the last spectacularly botched mission. But since Coulson was there suffering along with the rest of them, he couldn't complain too much.

But Loki had gotten bored after a few days and he was irritating as hell when he was bored.

They were all trying to spend a nice, relaxing evening kicking the crap out of each other playing Smash Bros when Loki stormed into the den and started ranting about there being nothing to do.

"I have read every single book in your library," he said. "Not that there were many to begin with." He gave Tony a look of withering contempt. "And what there was could hardly be considered intellectually stimulating."

"That's because I read for fun," Tony said. He had one of the best private collections of sci-fi in America and he was offended on his books' behalf.

"Fun," Loki said scornfully. "You mortals don't know a thing about fun. Your kind finds entertainment in the most vapid and mind-numbingly dull pursuits."

Tony tossed his controller aside. "Alright then, Reindeer Games. Tell us your idea of fun. Since you're the expert and all."

"I wish to play truth or dare."

Tony groaned loudly. "You have to be kidding me."

Thor frowned. "I am not familiar with this game, brother."

"It's a fascinating game I've seen other mortals play," Loki said. "You must either divulge a secret or perform a daring feat."

Thor's eyes lit up. "Why has no one told me of this wondrous game?"

Tony sighed. They were stuck now. Because when Thor got excited about something, nobody had the heart to crush his enthusiasm. He glared at Loki, who only looked back at him innocently.

Manipulative little bastard. Tony was going to have to think of something really good to dare him with.

"Let's begin," Loki said cheerfully. "Dr. Banner, truth or dare?"

"Don't let him ask you anything upsetting," Natasha hissed.

"Thanks, I think I've got it," Bruce said.

"Oh yes," Loki said with a sadistic grin. "I've read your file. So many things I could question you about. Your old girlfriend, perhaps. The many people you've killed in your monstrous form."

Bruce winced. "Dare."

Loki sighed theatrically. "Very well. I dare you to jump out that window." He gestured vaguely in the direction of the row of windows, a little plume of green smoke following the motion.

"Oh, come on," Tony said. "Nobody's going to actually jump out a window just because you say so."

But he blinked in surprise as Bruce stood up and took a step towards the window.

"This isn't me," Bruce said anxiously. "Something's got control of my body."

All eyes fell on Loki.

"Loki," Steve said in his sternest Captain America voice, the voice that made Tony want to sink to his knees and surrender. "Release him from your spell."

But Loki calmly met Steve's gaze. "I dared him. He has to do it."

"Guys," Bruce said in alarm. By now, he was opening the window and stepping into the sill.

Clint made a dive for the scientist, but Bruce pitched forward before he could get his hands on him.

"Jarvis!" Tony shouted.

Obediently, pieces of his suit molded around his body. Tony rocketed out of the window and managed to snatch Bruce by the collar three stories down. Then he carefully maneuvered Bruce back through the open window and set him down safely on the loveseat next to Natasha.

Bruce took a shaky breath. "Thanks, Tony. That was pretty intense."

"So," Clint said. "Who votes for calling Fury and telling him Loki just tried killing Bruce?"

Tony vigorously waved his hand in the air. Hopefully Coulson put it on speaker so they could all hear Fury's priceless reaction.

Loki rolled his eyes. "I wasn't actually going to let him fall to his death," he said. "Just far enough to make it exciting."

"Some of us don't need the excitement," Bruce muttered.

"And jumping out a window isn't exciting," Steve said sternly. "It's just plain dangerous."

Loki huffed. "I was under the impression that dares ought to be, well, daring."

"They're not supposed to be fatal," Steve insisted. "Or even potentially fatal."

"Yeah," Tony said. "I've played games where people had to strip down to their skivvies and dance or eat a bowlful of mayo. Harmless pranks, pretty much. All you want to do is dare someone to do something they wouldn't do normally."

"Ah," Loki said. "I understand now."

The calculating expression on his face wasn't exactly reassuring. He was probably thinking up some embarrassing things for the next round, but that was okay, because Tony wasn't going to have to do any of them.

"Your turn, Stark," Loki purred.

"Hell no," Tony said. "That's not how the game works. You already asked Bruce, so now-"

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Would you like to see how it feels to fall from the top of your tower without your suit of armor?"

"Already tried that, thanks," Tony said. "Not looking for a repeat experience."

"Then I suggest you make your choice."

"Truth," Tony said. "You guys are always telling me how you're sick of hearing me talk abut myself, so I doubt there's anything else you want to know."

Loki grinned widely and his eyes seemed to glow. "How do you feel about Captain Rogers?"

"He's surprisingly cool for a ninety-year-old."

Or at least, that's what he tried to say.

What came out was, "I've pretty much had a crush on the guy since I was nine. And his face was the first thing I ever wanked to as a teenager."

Horrified, Tony clapped a hand over his mouth. But he was still talking, the words just a little muffled now.

Tony's traitorous mouth outlined all the fantasies he had ever had of being bent over in the workshop, fucked while they were still in uniform, and shoved against the wall and held there with Steve's strength while he kissed him breathless. And then he went on to describe how much he loved Steve's eyes, his terrible puns, his resilience, his determination, his art, and of course, his Captain voice.

"Damn," Clint said when Tony finally came to a stop. "You've got it bad."

"Sorry, Cap," Tony said quietly.

Steve patted Tony's knee. "We'll talk about this later." His smile looked more like a grimace.

Tony hung his head. The rest of the Avengers probably thought he was a freak, Coulson was going to taze him later for daring to fantasize about his hero, and Steve was probably never going to speak to him again.

This was definitely a new low for him.

"Captain Rogers," Loki said pleasantly. "Truth or dare?"

Steve squared his shoulders as if he was walking into a battle. "Truth."

"Then I ask you the same question. How do you feel about Stark?"

Tony flinched. Oh god, it was going to feel so much worse actually hearing Steve say how much he disgusted him.

"I love him," Steve said simply.

Tony's mouth dropped open.

"He's a good man. I know he doesn't believe it, but he's got a big heart. He took us all in, put up with all our eccentricities, and never once complained. I'm grateful for everything he does for the team. He's also easy on the eyes and I'd be into nailing him down in the workshop," Steve finished, face flushed red.

Clint whooped. "Way to go, lovebirds."

Steve's cheeks were still pink, but he was smiling, so Tony considered it a win.

Loki leaned back in his seat with a very self-satisfied smile. "And you thought truth or dare was a silly game."

Well, points for Loki. Because Tony sure hadn't seen any of that coming.

"Normally, yes," Tony said. "I wouldn't have admitted half of the shit I said if you hadn't been forcing me."

"I'm just enforcing the rules of the game," Loki said innocently. "It's called truth or dare, not truth or dare or lie."

"And it's not truth or dare or TMI," Tony shot back. "I think everybody would have been perfectly happy to never hear my sexual fantasies. Right, guys?"

"I'm certainly scarred for life," Natasha said.

Loki rolled his eyes. "You people are the most ungrateful mortals I have ever met. I've just improved your lives. Did you really want the sexual tension between those two to remain simmering?"

"Can we agree never to talk about other people's sex lives again?" Bruce said. "It grosses me out."

Loki shrugged. "They were the ones who were so eager to talk. Perhaps Barton will humor you and choose dare instead."

"Hell yes," Clint said. "Dare."

Loki's eyes sparkled. "Very well. I dare you to kiss every single person in this room who you have ever thought about sexually."

"You son of a bitch," Clint growled as he reached for Natasha. "That's cheating."

Tony wasn't exactly surprised when Clint moved on to Agent Coulson, muttering, "Sorry, boss."

But he was surprised when Clint continued on with Bruce, Thor, Steve, and Loki.

"Barton, you whore," Tony said gleefully. Because now that the magic wasn't affecting him, it was totally hilarious.

Clint sat back down with a scowl.

"What the hell?" Tony demanded. "You want to have sex with every single person in this room except for me?"

"Hell no." Clint looked around the room and grimaced. "For the record, I'm not attracted to any of you. Okay, except for Natasha. But everybody's attracted to Natasha."

Coulson raised an eyebrow and Clint slumped down in his seat. "And maybe Phil," he mumbled.

Tony cackled. "And maybe Thor and maybe Bruce and-"

"Hell no. Loki didn't tell me to kiss every person I found sexually attractive, just anybody I thought about sexually. Like, casually wondering what would happen if Bruce ever had sex. Doesn't mean I actually want to do him. No offense, Bruce."

"None taken," Bruce said. "I'm more disturbed than offended."

"Again," Tony said, "everyone except me? What the hell, Barton? I'm not sexy enough for you?" He raised an eyebrow. "You aren't curious what it would be like if I started banging Steve?"

"Tony!" Steve exclaimed, again bright red.

Clint snorted. "I'm pretty sure it would be Steve banging you, not the-oh, damn it, now I'm thinking about it."

Tony snickered as Clint gave him a quick peck. And then he pulled out a pack of Tic-Tacs and poured the entire thing into his mouth.

Clint glared at him. "I really don't know what Steve sees in you. You're an asshole."

Natasha shook her head and gave Loki a side-eye. "If you're trying to bring out the Hulk, you're going to try a lot harder than that. Bruce works with Tony. By now, he's used to people continuing to do things after he tells them not to."

"Hey," Tony said indignantly.

"What a shame," Loki said. "I was hoping to dare you to face the beast."

"And here I thought you'd make me do something difficult," Natasha said with a smirk.

Loki blinked. "You two? Then why is there-"

"Sexual tension?" Tony offered. "Because they can't actually have sex. Because, well, you know."

"I'd prefer if we didn't discuss my sex life either," Bruce said.

"Lack of sex life," Tony reminded him. "And I really feel for you, buddy. That's got to be rough. You have a hot chick totally ready and willing to-"

"Choose your next words carefully," Natasha said. "Because they might be your last."

Tony squeaked and dove behind Steve.

Steve sighed and moved over one seat on the couch. "Alright, Loki, what's the scheme here? Why all the interest in playing matchmaker all of a sudden?"

Loki shrugged indifferently. "I tire of your daily dramas. And since it seems I'm going to be living here for the foreseeable future, I want to make my life as painless as possible."

"And you couldn't have, oh, I don't know, just talked to us about it?"

Loki grinned. "And where would be the fun in that?"


End file.
